Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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