I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
