I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
