I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
