I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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