I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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