Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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