i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
