Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
