My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
