dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize