me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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