last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
