dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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