Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
