You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
