If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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