My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
