whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize