I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
