Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
