I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
