I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
