thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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