mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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