when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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