i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We are two peas in an std pod
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize