U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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