The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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