I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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