I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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