I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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