Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
