Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
