I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just took my morning after pill in the library
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
