Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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