I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
