Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
