Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
