I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
