omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
