Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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