I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
