Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
