It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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