goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
