Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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