Is it because I queefed?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
