Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
