I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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