HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
