so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
