Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
