Fuck appropriateness.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's shark week go big or go home
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
