I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
