So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize