I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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