Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
