How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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