She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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