I just pynch a tree in the face
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
birth control should be required to get into college
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
