I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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