I will die if light touches me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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