I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
