Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
