oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
