i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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