Already got asked if we're dating
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
