Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
