Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
