Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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