I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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