I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
