No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Come on in and take your pants off
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