Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
