the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
