i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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