You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You took a bar mat shot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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