Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
