So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
