I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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