When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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