Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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