I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
