So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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