im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
