hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
