Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
