The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
