This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
