That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
